When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
