Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
