I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize