My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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