Pappa wants mamma naked
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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