So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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