that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Text me some of your sweat
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
