he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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