Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
