It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
