the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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