I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize