I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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