i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't turn off my feet"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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