We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
