Only a mothe r could love this liver
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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