Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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