So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
