We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
