1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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