The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
