I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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