genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
