i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
