That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
