it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
