I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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