She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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