I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
