Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
