how can u be prego again
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
