so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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