how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
