he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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