a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
