grandma shit on top of the toilet
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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