Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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