R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
