We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
