At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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