i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
