Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
