He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
