just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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