the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
