Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
