If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
