Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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