After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
