I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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