that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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