my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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