watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
