last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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