im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
