I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
