as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
