I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
