Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
