Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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