It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
