Pappa wants mamma naked
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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