He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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