Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
