hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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