: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
