and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
