So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
