Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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