If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
