In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
