sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
