I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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