then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
