My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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