Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Drunk is not a location!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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