I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I supernannyed him into submission
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
