my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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