the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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