oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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